SPIRITUAL CHEQUE

 

Not that I do not believe in miracles. Far from it, I have always believed in miracle and miracle workers. Even magic, I know it exists too. Just that I have to believe in only one. However, in both I have to be skeptical. 

The argument and complain was that I do not attend other churches' programmes when invited. But friends do attend mine when I invite them over. I gave up; "fine I will attend your church programme but please not on a Sunday. You guys do hold a prayer and delivery session on Tuesdays, right? I will be in attendance next Tuesday". 

So on the 4th day of March, 2014 I took off with my friend to his church. The members were very brotherly and sisterly I must admit. Like you were about to pass through the security doors of an Access Bank; "welcome brother to our Tuesday programme ". The ushers were good too. And SHARP, I must say. My friend kept looking at me, with that smile of 'shebi, I told you. We are like family here'. The pride in his smile was quite evident. He would bet I would definitely visit again. What is more? I might even become a full-fledged member. A new convert. Alleluia somebody!! 

The chief pastor came in and the prayer session kicked off. We prayed and prayed. And people were delivered. 

Then it was time to break the barriers of poverty. Time for open doors. Time for financial breakthrough.

The pastor made us understand that faith without good work is void. I nodded and gave the pastor a hidden thumbs up. He continued; "this is what I mean. IF YOU ARE HERE AND YOU WANT TO INCREASE YOUR MONTHLY TAKE HOME. JUST RAISE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR". Hands went up. Even the wealthiest must have raised his hands too. Isn’t that greediness? 

"SO, CLOSE YOUR EYES NOW, AND WITH YOUR HANDS UP, PULL OUT A SPIRITUAL PEN AND SIGN A SPIRITUAL CHEQUE WITH THE AMOUNT YOU SO DESIRE AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WITHIN SIX MONTHS" the pastor shouted from the pulpit.

It was now serious business. My friend didn’t care to look out for me again. Even when I tried tapping him to borrow me his spiritual pen, he didn’t seem to notice my tapping. He was so engrossed with the cheque-signing activity and was drawing so many zeroes in the air. The whole congregation kept signing and claiming the signed cheques with thunderous 'AMENS'.

I guess the cheque-signing was the faith the pastor preached. Then the faith at work part came.

Pastor: "Now that you all have signed the spiritual cheque. If you really believe, come out now and give God His one-tenth of the payment. Or if you don’t have the full payment now, come out and make a deposit into the offering box with a promise to complete the payment within a month".

Tithe even before the proceeds have been made? Gracious God!!!! 

My utmost concern was for my friend. I saw the many spiritual zeroes he added to his monthly take home. So if he would be true to God, then God's one-tenth of the payment would even exceed a six figure sum.

He unknowingly and probably with shock turned to look at me. He obviously saw the sheepish smile on my face and quickly turned to face the pulpit again with a little of 'get behind me' gesture. He needn't worry about me. I was already behind him. His greatest worry should be him. How on earth can he gather such a lump sum to settle his already incurred spiritual debt? 

He walked to the altar and dropped whatever was left in his wallet into the offering box. On our way home, I carefully refused to talk about that particular part of the prayer and deliverance session. On his own part too, he reasonably refused to inquire if I would be visiting again.

It's been two years now and my friend is yet to cash his SPIRITUAL CHEQUE. Maybe he forgot to open the cheque?

If God had destined him for greatness and his hardwork pays off tomorrow, it will be assumed that he just got his SPIRITUAL CHEQUE paid. Not minding that postdated cheques have a validity period of 6-1yr. Even Pastor was specific: "6 months"

Mtchewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!