Wednesday, 8 June 2016

MY LUXURIOUS BUS EXPERIENCE



 
So I decided to travel using a luxurious bus partly because it's a luxury to the common man and partly because my elder brother would always warn against the suicidal nature of traveling in a mini bus.

It's cheaper compared to mini bus, it's slower and its central aisle is always decentralized by ‘attachees’ and their luggage. So where's the luxury in this bus???? Anyway, had that been my only problem on that day, I would have had a great journey eastward. 

Beside me was a smart looking young damsel many men would love to have as a seat partner and maybe something more than that afterwards. First, she sat by the Window side and when I came on board and explained why the near-window seat was my lot, she didn't hesitate to make the necessary adjustment. Wow, I said to myself; "she's even obedient and respectful. I took my rightful position. 7:02am, we left the park. 

The luxurious bus preachers cum drug sellers took their turns to sell the gospel but most importantly their trade to us. I bought the first sale with my repetitive Amen to the good journey wishes. When I failed to buy the second sale, the eyes of the seller weren't so kind on me. Who cares anyway? Of what use would a drug which the self-admitted, matriculated, inducted and convocated medical doctor claimed can eliminate all forms of viral infections e.g Staphylococcus aureus be to Me???? To the drug, the cause of malaria would certainly still be as a result of bad air inhalation. 

Ehen, the smart-looking young damsel beside me. She wasn't really saying a thing. But she was saying many things. The different stinging sounds being produced by her churning of chewing gum was nauseating; 'tai tai tai' and then she would make a bulb off the chewing gum and then 'wickedly' puncture the bulb with a louder 'toi' sound. Calling her to order might result to 'insult padding' and I had consciously left my earpiece back at home for I wanted to read a Chimamanda book inside the luxurious bus. 

Ignoring her 'witchy' sounds, I went ahead to open my novel and began to read. After a while, her chewing subsided and I was a bit relieved. Maybe, she just realized that I was reading and decided to grant me a conducive environment.  What respect again from this Lady. As I was trying to cut her some slacks, that was when she asked; “Sorry, what book are you reading?" We were seat partners so I felt there was no need shouting it. I just turned to the cover of the novel to let her see the caption. Slowly, she pronounced: "CHI-MA-AMA-N-DA". Then she continued; “wow, nice. Who wrote the book? The book sounds Igbo".  I replied with subdued anger and; “The name of the writer is CHIKE and the River". She looked at me for a moment and I thought maybe she knew I just said rubbish.  Then, with a finger pointing upward and dangling as if lost in thought she said: “I think I have read a book written by those two before back in my secondary school days. Anyway, we read higher novels now in the university" Yes, I replied, "CHIKE and RIVER are great writers". 

I turned to continue my reading but I just couldn't. The noise of her ignorance was more nauseating than the noise from her chewing gum. I asked her; "Sorry, which course are you studying in school?" and she replied confidently; “LITERATURE IN ENGLISH ". 

Mr President, if you need someone to help out in your biography please just take another 10 days vacation and use that time to meet specialists in the literary field.

No comments:

Post a Comment