SORRY, I FAILED TO INVITE YOU

One thing I have learnt few weeks into my marriage is forgiveness without apology. Seriously I have always believed that apologies should be rendered for the process of forgiveness to kick-start. But I was mistaken.

Just some weeks back, I came home after an arduous work and I was treated to a chilled refreshing fresh juice by my other half. As the liquid extract from a blend of banana, pineapple and apple travelled refreshingly from my mouth through the esophagus down to the different parts and systems where they either begin their digestion or complete them, I smiled and nodded in appreciation.

However, my brain was quick to notice a difference.  That was not the first time I had taken a fresh juice. In my bachelorhood days, after a day's work and especially on Fridays, i would sneak into a bar and gulp down a bottle of alcohol or two. And sometimes when I remember my biochemistry and the effects of alcohol in some organs, I'd settle for Mama Ifeoma's fresh juice. I had always paid for a jug which was four times the amount for a bottle of my preferred green bottles. Her fresh juice was sweet no doubt. There was no complaint until my wife made me this thick one. Mama Ifeoma's was easy flowing probably as a result of dilution with water for the purpose of commercialization. I felt robbed.

"Next time I get to that 'joint', I must demand an apology from mama Ifeoma" I said to myself.

That same night, I received a whatsapp message from a number I didn't have in my contact. And the message read: "Hmmmm, Ben, so you are married and you didn't even invite me? Anyways, Congrats." I felt bad. Quickly I dialed the number and truecaller revealed it was Tonia. "How on God's earth did I forget to invite her?" I asked myself.  Tonia was a good friend back in the school days. We lost contact after school but 2yrs ago when I met my wife, she called one day and we chatted. I even quipped in during the chat that I have found a queen. She jokingly asked me to send her pictures for approval.

The next day, it was as if Tonia's message triggered a "you-forgot-me" cascade.

I met Godwin at work the next day and I was like: "Godwin, I didn't see you on my wedding day ooo. Then like he had been waiting for the question, Godwin exploded: "Did you invite me? I was just watching you giving out cards and telling those you cared to tell. Even common sms, you didn't send to me. Yet you told Francis. Francis that just started working here when sef. Please I don't go to occasions uninvited. "I couldn't believe my ears. Godwin works in an office next to mine. I gave the office a general card and moreso, I sent sms to all on my contact. Maybe something went wrong. I stood and watched him hissed and left without even saying "Happy wedlock"

I walked into the office distraught.  The secretary saw my mood and showed concern. When I explained she hissed and added: "Even Mr Joe called me on the day of your wedding and was lamenting for over 10mins that you didn't find him worthy of attending your wedding. He was mad and failed to see reasons."

At that point I learnt something: Sometimes we hurt others unconsciously. They feel hurt, angry and wait for us to apologize unknown to them that we never knew we've committed an offense against them. Sometimes we do the right things but an unknown factor (like network failure) causes a misunderstanding. And especially when planning events. Sometimes we fail to invite some persons we should have invited. When Dike came to greet me during the Dance Dance at the wedding reception I was surprised. And then he said: "Actually I just heard about your wedding from Imeh this morning. I was initially sad you didn't invite me but then I realized that you had too much going on in your head. So I had to cancel some engagements for old time sake and attend. I hugged him more closely and then we shouted our old time slogan in unison: "WE DEY BALL!!!"

He forgave without demanding an apology.

As the woman that sells 50% diluted fresh juice I forgave her immediately without needing an apology again. After all, she was better than the fake medical drug seller who accepted that his drugs were fake but insisted that they do not contain poison as a result do not kill the person that takes them as claimed by NAFDAC. He was right but he failed to see the other side: his drugs do not kill the patient but his drugs ensure that whatever the patient is suffering from, killed the patient.

Let us learn to forgive without demanding for an apology.  Sometimes, there's actually no offense. Or none intended. 

photocredit:  www.americanpunjabanpi.com