THE NIGHT VI....

It wasn't her fault. It was around 11:00pm that Tuesday night. I was trying to order my steps meticulously to avoid the unsteady gait of man drenched in alcohol. I have always been haunted by flashes of my friend back in the university, who had claimed that washing down 6 bottles of Star down his gastrointestinal tract, was no mean feat for him. Students like scientists always wanted to see for themselves so, quickly we had a #1000 bet to be paid once he made it to his lodge sober. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 bottles went in and my friend took a round look, a reminiscent of Achilles shouting "Is there no one (bottle) else?". We cheered him  but one more task; he had to walk to the lodge to pick up his prize. Quickly, the guy who staked the #1000 motioned we all stand and head to the lodge. Then my friend stood, turned 360* degree and realized that the table was still standing in his way. Angrily, he pushed the table aside and then started his bumpy journey out of the bar. On a cemented ground with no stand except from our shoes and sandals, my friend faced the hurdle of avoiding and jumping over huge stones as were revealed to him by eyes shutting close by alcohol. When he eventually got to the entrance door of the restaurant, he had to jump the 2 stepped staircase like he was saddled with the task of jumping over Red sea to save his ass from the approaching Egyptians as Moses was still busy praying to a god who would have divided the red sea long before they arrived its shores. We were all dying in laughter, when my friend in that fashion after hands had been held on the chest and waist 'sekemed' into a nearby gutter. Quickly we gathered, picked him up and landed him on his bed. The next morning he had a lot of laundries to do. 

So it was in nearly that state that I encountered one of my distant female cousins (just a title for a person who you see as a sister but you cannot easily pick up her place in your family tree) right infront of a popular Tuesday church in our area.  They had just dismissed and the teeming faithful making their way out. My surprised 'cousin' then asked; "Bro where are you coming from?" I was much more interested in maintaining a steady gait while also preventing the escape of alcoholic stench from my mouth. So, having also lost track of geographical cardinal points, I just pointed carelessly.  My 'sister' then shouted in surprise before adding that sentence which had never left her since childhood: "Mama must hear this" and left. 

I was still wondering what was new that mama would hear again about me. She has always known that I sometimes have a date with alcohol. She has always had that Lagos has no nights. So what????

The next morning my ringing phone woke me up.  It was mama. ; "Ben nwa m. Those who choose other gods increase their sorrows. We are Catholics and we serve a living God. Why are you going to a Tuesday Pentecostal church? Let no one deceive you. I have not told your father this. You know how bitter he would be should he hear such".  I gave her the full audience to pour out her heart as I recovered a little sanity from the apparent hangover before I said: "mum, I wouldn't go for any Tuesday church except it was a vigil in the Catholic Church. Yesternight, I was just returning from a...( that was when I realized that an only reasonable explanation for such a late night should be another vigil) So I quickly and smartly concluded. " I was just returning from a night vi..." with the last syllabus incoherent enough to different vigil from visit. For yes, I was actually on a night visit to a bar. Mama quickly apologized on behalf of her: " Oh, Nneamaka must have gotten it all wrong. I knew it must have been a mixed up". I 'christianly' accepted the apologies and then in defense of my faith I reminded mum that it was 6:00am, time for Angelus. Then I hung up. That was when an angel of the Lord declared unto me that my right arm had pointed towards the Tuesday church so Nneamaka got it all mixed up.

 But like I said earlier; it wasn't her fault but then, where was she going to at that ungodly hour?

photocredit: spyderonlines.com