Friday 18 December 2015

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL



Image result for MARRIAGE PROPOSAL PIC
 MARRIAGE PROPOSAL
About saving the best for last. The best moments for so many ladies would be celebrated in their corners of our villages this yuletide season. Years of friendship, relationship and courtship would soon be consummated in a holy matrimony. We cherish marriages. We love and respect one another. We are not a class of Heart breakers and divorcees. So whatever happens at the end of December is there to last for a lifetime, till death do us part. Then till we meet to part no more. It is eternity, man!!!!

So you can imagine my happiness when my guy told me that he will be proposing to his girlfriend come December 25th, 2015. A golden ring with some silvery splashes atop. A table for two in an exquisite dinner room with me lurking behind to catch every moment with my 16.0 megapixel camera. The table we added would be adorned with rosy flowers and at the background, a gentle music would be playing; a music consistent with the plan. Cementing his position as one of the greatest romantic gentlemen, he suggested that the ring would be served as one of the dishes in disguise inside a plate which would also contain a handwritten poem from the proposer to the 'to-be-proposed'.

That gentle music that will be played on the background as he propose???? His choice was "I think I wanna Marry you" by Bruno Mars. I stood with two hands akimbo and asked whether he has heard the song. As in whether he had really understood he song. He joyously told him that he had seen romantic white boys propose to their gfs using that melodious song. He quickly reached into his pocket and brought out his mobile phone and called on me to come and watch the video.
Declining his invitation for I have seen the video before, I began to make him understand his proposed proposal song.

1. Bruno Mars said it was a beautiful night. And what was he looking for??? Bruno was looking for a DUMB thing to do!!!!!
Your proposal and subsequent marriage I explained to him is not a DUMB thing. It is not a stupid thing to do. We Africans value marriage.

2. Bruno again proposed elopement. ".....there is a little chapel in Boulevard, where we can go. No one will know......"
I asked my friend whether he was planning to elope with his girl after the proposal. He said, HELL, NO!!!!!
My third reason was actually the main reason I stood with two hands akimbo

3. Bruno was actually expecting a 'no long thing' in the whole issue. "....if we wake up, and you wanna break up. That's COOL. No, I won't blame you. It was FUN..."
Bruno and some of his white folks think marriage breakup as something COOL. And see marriage as just FUN.

I asked my friend again whether he wants his marriage to last just one night as Bruno was expected. His response was epic
"Ben, what nice song(s) do you reckon?"
I smiled and reached into my pocket and gave him a collection: "Golibe" by Flavor, "Special one" by Flavour etc. That guy has got good lyrics that promote our culture and heritage.
We Africans value marriage. We don't wake up to break up.

Our proposal plans are now complete. I JUST HOPE SHE DOESN'T READ THIS.

Tuesday 15 December 2015

WELCOMING THE YEARS

Image result for welcoming the years pix
WELCOMING THE YEARS
Use and dump is definitely not a good idea. Yeah, dumping you must but with a degree of respect.
Out from secondary school, we all seemed to kick the secondary schools days into oblivion. University must be better. Four years after, university was seen as a place to be jettisoned. NYSC is da bomb. 10 months into it and count down started. We are tired of being coppers(sic), we want to become gold.
The trend is unending. But I think we should be appreciative of the past or the presently becoming past.

What am I saying:

Over the years, we have always blamed the passing year for its misfortunes while praising the coming year for promises yet to be fulfilled. 1999 was knocked off in favour of 2000, 2000 in favour of 2001. The sequence continues.
We are always a hopeful people: "2004, My year of breakthroughs". 2006,My year of double portions". 2012, (popularly called two thousand and twice). My Year of double blessing". At the end of each of these years, they were each treated as the worst years. Quickly they were knocked out and off. Bangers in the air, shouts of joy at each year's demise. And you think years are not wise in themselves. 2014 actually witnessed the scornful burial that was given to his immediate elder brother even after 'every every'. So 2014 comes prepared; carefree and selfish with a mind fully aware that there will be no room for re-election.
2016 is now very much around. And 2015 is already been neglected. Someone told me that 2016 will be his year of UNMERITED FAVOUR. Favour by simple definition implies some unmerited goodwill. So when one says he is not looking for FAVOUR but UNMERITED FAVOUR, I wonder if that is not too much ask.
As in, a student prepares for an examination and on that day, everything he read came out and the ones he couldn't read, didn't come out. That's FAVOUR.

Another decides to play his time out and then prays that he will write well and pass. That would be an UNMERITED FAVOUR. However, who grants such FAVOUR???????? 2016??? It is still to be seen.
Then another university student prays for DOUBLE PROMOTION in school. Young lady, so you want to jump from year 1 to year 3?????? I pray 2016 grants your wish.

Anyway, 2015 still has some days in herself. It is not late to still get something out of her. Just ask!!!!! she might be saving the best for last

Thursday 10 December 2015

HOLY BUSINESS

Image result for PREACHER PIX

HOLY BUSINESS
Somebody shout Alleluia!!!!!!! Amen Somebody!!!!!!!!
Of course, he was not talking to only somebody but to all of us. So we all shouted the required response. The pentecostalic mood in the gathering continued to rise; "Everybody on your feet" we did. "Make a joyful noise onto the Lord". Then the sounds started coming out, reminiscent of the sounds and cries of witches and wizards in AM movies: "ooooo, oooo, hoooo, huuu, miuuuuu, hahhhahah, oooo". I shook my head for I immediately realized that this was no ordinary Sunday. There would be a special 'holy business' before the end.
The preacher was very vibrant. I love his style just that I knew where he was driving at. But no issues, after all, the multi-purpose hall has to be completed. His understanding of the Bible's thanksgiving verses was overwhemly remarkable.
Then he came to that part of person-to-person interaction in the church. "Touch your neighbour and say, "IT SHALL BE WELL" I looked to my right, but my neighbour was a married woman who had already turned to her husband besides her to bring the WELLNESS in the pastor's message to their very own family. To my left, I met my neighbour, a haggard looking old man, sleeping. Respect for elders like my parents taught me, so I didn't need to disturb his sleep. I just wished him well. But the preacher wouldn't stop. For every two sentences he made, he would require us to touch our neighbour or someone besides us and speak. The couple beside me kept sharing the grace together. I became tired of the "touch and speak" style of preaching and stopped responding.
One thing led to another, and the pastor told us a story of Julius Caesar and how his best friend Brutus stabbed him at his back (et tu Brute!!!!!). Again, he asked us to "turn to the person BESIDE you and say, WATCH YOUR BACK". He then hit me with what I believed was his middle finger and with a little bit of arrogance, the young man said: WATCH YOUR BACK.
Frustrated by the fact that:
1. The "touch and speak" style of preaching was getting boring
2. I have unwilling neighbours
3. The young man's arrogance and inability to differentiate between BESIDE and IN FRONT
I quickly replied him: "Oga, na u dey my back. So if anything happens, I know who to hold responsible".
His neighbours laughed and laughed with one of them telling him: "O boy, na u find trouble oo. Pastor said, touch someone beside you and you are touching someone in front of you".
Then my old and hitherto sleeping neighbour turned to the young man and concluded: "you heard him right". Then he turned again and went back to his sleep, nay meditation.
Then pastor again said...........
‪#‎thosethatcangiveGod‬#200,000comeout#

Monday 7 December 2015

THE SUN SETS LATE IN THE MAINLAND

 Image result for sunset pics

THE SUN SETS LATE IN THE MAINLAND

Out from the compound, the stark reality of the city begins to present itself in every step, every word, every stop, every in and every out.
First, the street with its ruggedity. The drainage system is never gotten correctly so stagnant waters are surely present in and out of season. The entire city itself is below sea level so no surprise at the street rivers that form and never dry. So Mr Ayo would have to walk a small distance, jump over a poorly constructed gutter, fly over portions of stagnant waters. And should it rain, Mr Ayo would have to pull off his 2004 swede shoes and swim through his street. He has to be as amphibian as he is terrestrial. Looking opposite her one room apartment, Nneka understands that she needn't go close to that building at night. Uncompleted, unfurnished but a home. A home to the area boys. A joint for smoking, for drinking, for sharing of stolen spoils and for rape. However, right in front of this same building,Iya beji sells burukutu, agbo, sapele water etc. What becomes to the beji in future? God knows.
The sun rises very early in the mainland. Before 5:00am, Miss Ada must have been up and in her bathroom. Does her business in her not so comfortable comfort room and out for the day's troubles. Not just Miss Ada, a lot others are doing same, some even before 5:00am. So getting to the bus stop, she would always expect a stiff competition of who gets into the bus and who would be left out. Her expectation is hardly wrong save from Dec 22 till Jan 10.
Like everyone, Miss Ada would have to jump over 2 to three road dividers before finally, standing atop one waving for cars to stop that she may cross over. Now, jumping over the road dividers, she has to be on trousers or face the problem of revealing more than she would have wanted to at each rising leg.
The hurdle to get into a bus is one of the definitions of the mainland. The buses don't wait, the drivers always want to drive on. The bus conductors definitely all have a gift of word-jaming. Going through Mile 2 to Apapa, an intending passenger waiting to hear "Apapa, Mile 2" would have to wait forever for all he can hear is "Apap...2". Survival of the fittest. The strong gets in first, the unlucky waits for another struggle.
The best definition of the mainland is its heavy traffic. Imagine being stuck in a traffic for four hours. Four good hours!!!!! 24hrs are not enough in a day for Mr Okon. He owns a small bakery that supplies bread to its wholesale and retail customers in their shops. In his daily to-do-list is to supply at least 10 customers per day. The traffic ensures he always have about three to four unmet needs. So, Mr Okon would have to carry the three supplies over to the next day. 13 supplies for the next day. The unmet needs continues the year long. By December 20, Mr Okon is still in June 20 supply-wise.
Every bus stop harbours three people of the same motive but different manners of approach. The uniformed and uniformed area boys who extort monies from the bus conductors. Then the listless looking old woman who sits down in front of a 200 naira worth of goods. And then the official beggar, who along with some children (whether hers or not) extends her hands towards passers-by pleading for money. The listless looking old woman should be encouraged, however she is being chased around by the local council who with the blessing of the government have been ordered to keep Lagos clean and beautiful.
Before, Ikenna gets to his bus stop, there must have been an unhealthy exchange of words between him or another passenger and the conductor. The conductors are always sharp mouthed and smart. A passenger can easily lose his money if he forgets his balance. Or can be made to pay more if he is not strong willed. Anyway, Ikenna might end up being late to work. Whether he will be queried depends on if he is self employed or not.
Having arrived at workplace with different degrees of annoyances from the bus conductors and okada riders, the workplace atmosphere is charged up. Little mistakes are escalated. Little misunderstandings have lasting effects. Tunde the banker over the counter will have to absorbs all the insults being hauled at him from his clients. They all desperately need to be attended to. Time is money so Tunde must be very fast. Sometimes, his clients are wrong but he dare not challenge them. Adaku tried with an she was queried. Her job now hangs on a balance.
The bus drivers and Okada riders are mainly trading on hired purchase. So a certain amount must be remitted at the end of every week or month depending in the agreement. So, the rush to make over 10-15 trips in a day. Recklessness and impatience. Even when he decides to take it easy and obey the traffic laws, Bisi and Onyeka won't let him. They are here rushing to clock in before eight and there he is driving like a timid "JJC". "Can't you see what others are doing driver?" "You want us to sleep in this traffic, abi?" "Abeg follow one-way nah". The shouts from his passengers to break the laws can be very intimidating. And most times, he gives in.
Not that Okon wouldn't be held responsible for his health, however, how else can he bear the stress of staying put in his truck for over 8hrs before the traffic in the ports will show a little sign of movement? He locks his truck and jump down and towards Iya meta who sells all kinds of alcoholic concoctions. There, he will smoke, drink and if there is a small privacy, get a little carnal pleasure. The roads are bad and the traffic is worse. So he definitely needs a boost to live through all these daily.
Out from his office by 8:30pm, Mr Phils can still some individuals on their way to the commercial areas. Hawkers of different goods, buyers of different choices. The night is dark but its darkness is very bright for Tina to reveal her seductive curves to willing onlookers with an intention to hook one or maybe two before the 'day' runs out. She has about 4hours to catch a prey so she has to appear as seductive as possible. Once the negotiations are concluded she would then ply her trade in the best possible way to make the best out of it.
The best time of the day for Hajia is also the time after 8:00pm. That is when she sells her fried yam, potatoes and meat more efficiently. Her buyers seems to like her goods more by that time of the day. So she stays up all through to attend to her customers. The workers of iniquity hangs around there too. Too many attractions for Hajia's spot.
Over across the ocean, the islanders sleep and snore. The sun has set and the moon has taken over. Life is easy and cool. But the mainland is still awake and the mainlanders are still trading. Even those who are sleep are always 'awake' for fear of being taken unaware.
The sun sets really very late in the mainland. Many wish they can one day swim across to the island. But each day, the river seems wider and colder. And they are scared they won't make it to the other side. God knows they might fail but He also knows that they have tried.

Monday 23 November 2015

MUST THE MINISTRY BE MOVED TO A PERMANENT SITE?




Maybe I'm not a preacher for I do not wear a cassock. Neither am I a mufti for i have little knowledge of the Qu'ran and hence can't deliver a fatwa. But i can actually measure up as a preacher on mufti.

Offerings, second offerings, thanksgivings, bazaars, donations. All sorts of celebrations that enrich the coffers of the ministers. "Give for it is better to do so and to be at the receiving end". "God loves a cheerful giver". "Give and you will be given more". All in a bid to move the ministry to the permanent site.

My question: Must the ministry be moved to the permanent site?


The second and last Adam made it very clear: "the Son of man has no where to lay His head".

No permanency!!!!!

The ministers of God should be in the following places:
1. In the streets, to bring the gospel messages home
2. In the wilderness, to seek the face of God
3. In various work places, to show people that to work is to pray
4. In the market places, to sell God to willing buyers
5. In government, to lead the people in fairness and truth
6. In schools, to teach science with morals
7. In the hospitals, to attend to patients with patient
8. In law courts, to take the case pro Deo
9. In music industry, to show the world that he who sings well prays twice
10. In the movie industry, to portray the morale of every story

That is a true example of one being in the world but not of the world.
I think Christ did most of His preachings outside the synagogue save on Sabbath days.

Wednesday 18 November 2015

WEMBLEY PAYS RESPECT TO PARIS

The international friendly match between England and France ended in a 2-0 win for England. Above is the picture of wembley stadium in french colours as a sign of respect and solidarity for the recent terrorist attacks in Paris, France.
The word, "Egalite" means equality. However, a male reporter in Phoenix on CNN said that America would not and does not give equal priority to Boko Haram plaguing the West African nations of Nigeria, Chad, etc.
Sad enough!!!!!

Tuesday 17 November 2015

TESTING THE 'INKLOPHONE'

I don't really know whether writers, like musicians are allowed to free style. As in, whether they can be granted an audience writing about anything that comes to head albeit inconsistent with an earlier paragraph.

I would have loved to be able to 'test microphone ooo' like Terry G and still yet maintain a reading audience. But I doubt if such ink testing would thrill the brain to continue its cognitive process. 

The brain actually would boycott an unintelligible piece with enough vexation it resents the sight of such articles eternally. Just like when Faze came up with 'Originality'. Name-dropping of some creative Nigerians (Nnamdi Azikiwe and Ojukwu not mentioned) and concluding that one day 'Una go hala my name, Faze!" His music has gone from weakness to weakness ever since. Maybe our brains angrily reacted to a call by Faze to watch out. Statistics doubt whether his name would ever be 'halaad'. Who knows?

So I still wonder whether an inconsistent write up would be consistently followed till its very end. Can something actually be permanent. Mr Buhari didn't have to utter a word to that effect. He just resigned the permanent secretaries. Nothing is permanent.

Anyway, what do I have to say? I'm tired of promises. Especially when they come from politicians. For every month I check my bank alerts to see if 5000 naira was paid in by the federal govt. Nothing. But the government promised this token for we, the unemployed graduates? Yes I fit into the category of the unemployed for I had to employ myself with no loans from the government.

How then would the ministry be moved to the permanent site? PDP said continuity, APC declared CHANGE. so we voted for change, or so did Prof Jega tell us. Of course Mr Orubebe protested and so did some people in front of their televisions. But we had to settle for CHANGE.Though the only change i still see everyday is my balance from bus conductors whenever I alight from a bus. Sham!

So where are we headed? Majek Fashek told us in his song that 'we are marching to the promise land'. Promise land he continued, is not America, not Asia, not Europe but a state of mind. America and Europe are definitely not the promised land, for all that are promised in these continents are freedom of irrational behaviours and politics without God. Asia, too many bloodshed. Africa, my Africa. Anyway, Majek is slowly getting back to his own promised land though it is taking him almost what it took the Israelites.


Don't even know why I disturb my little brain in all these. What really matters? Paris is more of a priority than black west Africa, Nigeria. The male reporter from Phoenix said it to our hearing on CNN. You didn't hear him? Boko Haram kills, yes but that is not America's priority. Then a Parisian whom I remembered in my prayers said blacks change their Facebook profile pictures just to get visa in France. What about those who prayed? That the god of France would be merciful to them too? Chai!!!!! Amadioha can be more effective, young lady. Anyway, as my brother Obie Lawrence said "it is human for one to be a racist. It is human also not to be. So what kind of human do you want to be?". 

I think most important today, is to wish you all the best life can offer. Be courageous, be determined, be bold, be smart and above all, don't just be human, be humane!!!!!!!

#justtestingthe'inklophone'#

TESTING THE 'INKLOPHONE'

I don't really know whether writers, like musicians are allowed to free style. As in, whether they can be granted an audience writing about anything that comes to head albeit inconsistent with an earlier paragraph.

I would have loved to be able to 'test microphone ooo' like Terry G and still yet maintain a reading audience. But I doubt if such ink testing would thrill the brain to continue its cognitive process. 

The brain actually would boycott an unintelligible piece with enough vexation it resents the sight of such articles eternally. Just like when Faze came up with 'Originality'. Name-dropping of some creative Nigerians (Nnamdi Azikiwe and Ojukwu not mentioned) and concluding that one day 'Una go hala my name, Faze!" His music has gone from weakness to weakness ever since. Maybe our brains angrily reacted to a call by Faze to watch out. Statistics doubt whether his name would ever be 'halaad'. Who knows?

So I still wonder whether an inconsistent write up would be consistently followed till its very end. Can something actually be permanent. Mr Buhari didn't have to utter a word to that effect. He just resigned the permanent secretaries. Nothing is permanent.

Anyway, what do I have to say? I'm tired of promises. Especially when they come from politicians. For every month I check my bank alerts to see if 5000 naira was paid in by the federal govt. Nothing. But the government promised this token for we, the unemployed graduates? Yes I fit into the category of the unemployed for I had to employ myself with no loans from the government.

How then would the ministry be moved to the permanent site? PDP said continuity, APC declared CHANGE. so we voted for change, or so did Prof Jega tell us. Of course Mr Orubebe protested and so did some people in front of their televisions. But we had to settle for CHANGE.Though the only change i still see everyday is my balance from bus conductors whenever I alight from a bus. Sham!

So where are we headed? Majek Fashek told us in his song that 'we are marching to the promise land'. Promise land he continued, is not America, not Asia, not Europe but a state of mind. America and Europe are definitely not the promised land, for all that are promised in these continents are freedom of irrational behaviours and politics without God. Asia, too many bloodshed. Africa, my Africa. Anyway, Majek is slowly getting back to his own promised land though it is taking him almost what it took the Israelites.


Don't even know why I disturb my little brain in all these. What really matters? Paris is more of a priority than black west Africa, Nigeria. The male reporter from Phoenix said it to our hearing on CNN. You didn't hear him? Boko Haram kills, yes but that is not America's priority. Then a Parisian whom I remembered in my prayers said blacks change their Facebook profile pictures just to get visa in France. What about those who prayed? That the god of France would be merciful to them too? Chai!!!!! Amadioha can be more effective, young lady. Anyway, as my brother Obie Lawrence said "it is human for one to be a racist. It is human also not to be. So what kind of human do you want to be?". 

I think most important today, is to wish you all the best life can offer. Be courageous, be determined, be bold, be smart and above all, don't just be human, be humane!!!!!!!

#justtestingthe'inklophone'#

REVENGE FOR PARIS?



"Never give terror a good reason"
The claim by ISIS that they killed over 132 Parisians is both inhuman and also and 'act of war'. So Paris wept, mourned and cried war. Death to the pepertrators, she said. Within 48hrs, 'letters' flew in from 'Paris with love',to Raqqa, Syria (ISIS stronghold). About 20missiles carried these sarcastic love letters. The media reported the airstrikes and swiftly moved back to portraying Paris as a city in grief. Right?
But I choose to describe those 20 missiles infamous for various reasons. First, we all know that anger beclouds judgement. And that revenge is better served cold. 20 missiles raining down from heaven and unto Raqqa in Syria lacked enough counter-terrorism strategies. When did Paris do the math and found out that her hit on Raqqa would not generate many civilian deaths? Plans of such strikes normally would take weeks and even months of planning. But it took Paris less than 48hrs to execute. Efficiency in anger? ISIS build their strongholds with many unwilling civilians trapped inside. Some time ago, it was even reported that hey used these hapless civilians (women and children alike) as shields during attacks. then within hours of attack in Paris, 20 missiles went to pay the perpetrators in kind. While I believe ISIS would be hurt, I also believe that a number of innocents greater than that witnessed in Paris must have been slaughtered, maimed and hurt in Raqqa. More saddening is the fact that no one will pray for Raqqa. But i will attempt. No one will place flowers on these dead innocents, but I will attempt. No CNN or BBC will report their deaths but I will attempt. Raqqa weeps now as much as Paris.
O Paris, do you think ISIS must have attacked you without knowing you would seek revenge? They probably wanted you to react. They probably tied their prisoners in Raqqa and allowed you to strike. You took the bait in anger, O Paris. You struck and according to you, "the targets were completely destroyed". Body parts must have been dismembered; limbs severed, heads blown clean off, eyes popped out from its sockets, mouths torn apart. That which happened in Paris is now also obtainable in Raqqa. But no one would pray for Raqqa.
I do not pray for ISIS. I pray for Raqqa. I pray for the human hostages in Raqqa who received the undeserved  'love letters' from Paris. I pray for the children and mothers who would never have anyone place flowers on their shallow graves.
I did pray for Paris. But I now doubt if Paris prayed for herself. If she did, I believe God must have told her that vengeance is His ( of the Lord's)
#PrayforRaqqa#
#PrayforParis#

"Counter-terrorism must endeavour not to give terrorism a good terror-reason"